When Catholics can't find God.

I feel like I just can’t win.

Every time I try I just get pushed back down.

My faith tells me to be strong,

But my sadness tells me there can’t be a God.

Because I can’t believe anyone who loves me

Unconditionally,

Would leave me so on my own

And alone,

Stuck in a rut I can’t escape.

I want to sing to release my pain,

But there’s no song that can describe,

The betrayal I feel

From a deity supposed to be real

But who can’t seem to love me like everyone else.

The times are supposed to be changing.

I’m supposed to enjoy my independence;

My adulthood.

This is supposed to be my debut.

But how can it be

When I was never allowed to be normal before.

When I was punched down time and time again

And no one intervened

Where was God then?

I’ve been led as an outcast

By the closest people in my life

And told to pray to better myself,

Because I was always the one to blame

Why am I the one who is wrong?

The blackness keeps getting blacker.

Cries for help don’t work

Because no one who is close enough cares

And it only strengthens the conviction

That those who care have been put in place and do care

But if there is a God, he likes to toy,

And puts them out of my reach,

Teasing and taunting me with them like candy I can’t eat.

And oh, I am so fucking sick of it,

But there is nothing I can do with it.